About 4 years have passed since my initial infection. 4 years since I last felt healthy. I have tried so many things. Changing my diet, wear a cpap mask when sleeing, influencing my microbiome, meditation, try to regulate my autonomous nervous system, pay 3k for a special treatment in Cyprus and so, so many medications and supplements, with 80% of them privately bought.

And I still feel like shit every day. I'm so damn tired of it, so damn fatigued. I'm also afraid of the future. Recently the list of symptoms grew by a tinitus and pain in my finger joints which makes typing harder.

I was always the one who'd spent nights in front of the computer, completely soaked in, always chasing the flow feeling. I was always the one who'd take a 2km run to school instead of taking the bus. The one who was intensely, utterly and beautifully engaged in his hobbies. I was full of dreams and hope.

Now I stare at the screen while an ever present feeling of tiredness and confusion is tearing at me. Personal projects became a chore. The every day life becomes a challenge, so tiering that there is no energy left to truely enjoy anything else.

I want this to end. I am so fucking desperate for a solution. Sometimes I randomly cry. I'm tired of pretending that I have come to terms with this condition. I hate this.